Love As An Expression

The following is the seventeenth practice of Occupy Life: One Step At A Time, practices for living life to it’s fullest, regretting nothing and stepping into the glory of who you came here to be. It is appropriate for today as we celebrate Valentine’s Day, our National Day of Love, and I wanted to share it with you.

One of the core values of my spiritual community is LOVE, and we express it in this sentence, “We are a nurturing community connecting with all from caring hearts and compassion.”  The practice I would like to talk about today is the practice of expressing love, rather than receiving it.  I would like to talk about having the courage to love.

I don’t want to negate the receiving of love, especially anywhere around Valentine’s Day.  I appreciate love and compassion, and the joyousness of receiving love from another.  And, on the other hand, I watch the heartache and helplessness when love is not reciprocated; you can’t make others love you, if they won’t.

I’ve also been reading a lot about perception and the illusion of cause and effect.  This got me to thinking about being a cause for love, rather than being the effect (on the receiving end).  In order to be at cause, you would be focusing on giving love rather than getting love. I know it may sound a bit like pursuing this practice from a self-centered point of view, and you are right:  my experience has been that the best way to get love is to give it.  Even if the love is not returned, it may improve your relationships and calm stormy waters.  It helps you stay confident, and lightens your mood.

In order for us to be healthy, and in integrity with ourselves, we need to give love.  Love is one of the ways we experience abundance in our lives, and in order for that abundance to continue to flow, love must flow.  In other words, in order to receive more love, we must give more.  Love helps us heal and opens us to energy and creative talent.  It also plays a central role in all of the world’s religions, pulling us all closer together in communion with each other.

Our world is feeling battered and worn, if you believe all you read in the media.  As we begin to Occupy Life fully, we can see that the world needs our love.  The people we with whom we live, work, and people all over the planet need to feel nurtured by our caring and our compassion.  We can’t underestimate the ripples spreading out from just one word, one thought or one deed.

Some people will tell you that to be intentional about love makes it second-rate.  They are enamored with being “in love”.  Being “in love” is thrilling, almost like riding a roller coaster, but loving at will is particularly loving.  The love you find is authentic, and the effort you make to call if forth, especially when life may not be as smooth as you would like, is deeply caring.

It takes courage to love.  I know that caught you off guard earlier, didn’t it?  Did you know that the root meaning of the word courage comes from the word “heart”?  It takes a great deal of courage to give love when it might not be returned – ask anyone who loves someone deeply, and they don’t love them the same way.  It takes courage to open the figurative kimono and say “Here I am, I give myself to you heart and soul”, knowing that you will be separated some day.

Are you brave enough to love? 

We receive many opportunities every day to love.  Seize just one, and see what a difference it makes in your life!

ACTION STEPS FOR EXPRESSING LOVE

Love is deep in our DNA, part of who we are.  As our ancestors evolved, so did our capacity to love:  we see this in mother-child attachment, pair bonding and survival aided by teamwork.  The genetic propensity to love has been passed on for thousands of years.  Our brains have evolved and grown, and according to neuropsychologists, much of this growth is devoted to love and related capabilities.

What can we do to help love flow, rather than hiding it in the recesses of our heart? We are going to concentrate on our feelings of love and how to evoke them intentionally.

• Think about a time you have been surrounded by people who care deeply about you.  Open yourself up to those feelings – to feeling cared about.  Rest in that experience, sinking into it like you would a well loved pillow.  It’s okay of opposite thoughts sneak in there.  Observe them for a moment, and then return to feeling cared about.  Stay with it as you begin to warm up that brain circuitry of being loving yourself.
•  Get centered in your heart, and begin to think about things that bring to mind warm, loving feelings.  This could be gratitude, kindness, or compassion for others.  Now, let’s concentrate on the physical act of breathing so that we might create a feeling of well-being for you, and subsequently for others.
• Breathe so that your inhalations and exhalations are about the same length.  Inhaling speeds up the heart rate and exhaling slows down the heart.  This helps create balance and peace as your meditate.
•  You can strengthen these loving feelings with soft flowing thoughts toward others.  For example:
• I wish you well.
• May you live life with ease.
• May you be at peace.
• May you not be in pain.
• What else might you send to them?
•  If you feel upset with someone, you can include these reactions in your awareness while also extending loving  and gentle thoughts toward them.  It might look like this:
• I’m angry with you, and won’t let you hurt me again.  I hope you find true happiness and I wish you well.

Patience – One More Time

The bank sent my husband a debit card the other day because he went to cash a check and the debit card he had in his wallet was expired.  He doesn’t use a debit card.  He didn’t know the pin number.  So they graciously decided to send him another card.

The card was addressed to him and our daughter, and indicated that he had been a valued customer since 1990.  We didn’t have an account with this bank until 2000, and our daughter is not and never has been on our account.  Now, she had an account in the early 90’s, and he was probably the co-signer since she was a minor…

So, my question to him was this.  Was this debit card attached to a non-existent account, or to our checking account?  And, if so, why would she be on our checking account?  Did the bank MUSH all our banking stuff together, and not delete an account that had been closed?  What would happen if he used the card (which he won’t) and it was attached to an account that had been closed?  Where is the bank’s head?

My sweet husband has never handled the finances.  I have handled them for 40 years – except for six months when I whined and he took over – what a fiasco. (It took me several months to straighten that out.) But, today he decided he could handle this.  Five phone calls, one and a half hours later, him traipsing down to the office six times to ask questions, have me go look things up, asking me questions – and I snapped.

I had two hours to write a blog, get my handouts ready for a 1pm presentation (with an hour drive beforehand) and I didn’t want to deal with this issue right now.

Behavior:  Snotty response to the final question, associated with anger.  What value do I hold that was being stepped on?  I value reliability and competence.  Was my husband being reliable?  Yes, he was trying to help because he knew I was busy.  Was he being competent?  No.  But more than anything, I was impatient and angry with the bank  – who was being much less competent than usual, and confused him even more.

Coaching Tip to Myself:  Remember who you are impatient with, don’t snap at the person who is trying to help you.  Request that your time needs be honored, and offer to help them deal with the issue at a time when you are able to give the situation your full attention.  Then walk them through the process so they know how to handle it in the future. Oh, and apologize to the one you snapped at for your behavior and acknowledge you did not handle the situation well.  Let go, and learn the lesson that was just presented to you for future reference. 

I’m off to hug my sweet man, thank him for putting my handouts together for me, and I still have 10 minutes before my two hours is up!

If you enjoyed this post please share it with others using the share links below. I would also be honored if you would subscribe to my blog! Here’s how:

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To hire me for Leadership and Executive Coaching programs, Retirement Coaching, Personal Growth Coaching, Wellness programs, Reiki or EFT, email me at Georgia@CollaborativeTransitions.com

Thank you for reading and for being part of this community – it means so much to me.

You can find me on Twitter at @feistycoach and on LinkedIn, and Facebook.  Please let me know you’re a reader when we connect!

Electronic Vision Boards

For all of you creative people who like making vision boards, or treasure maps, I’ve been playing with a new website that allows you to do it electronically – in a variety of areas of your life.  It has sparked my imagination, and I am intrigued.  There is an element of social media to it in that people can follow you, like what you pin up, etc.

One of the tenets of the personal growth and leadership coaching I do is that you must have a mission and vision for your life, and for your business.  Without those two things, we tend to wander through our days doing what comes up without concentrating on what is meaningful for us, and being intentional about our choices.

When we have landed solidly on our mission and our vision, and we begin to practice living them fully, intentionality often becomes easier.  It is important, though, to keep reminding ourselves of our best selves, and who we came here to be. Vision boards help us with that.  If they are detailed enough, they pull us forward.  They provide the inspiration and the motivation to keep us moving forward.  Without that, it is very easy to slide back into our old habits – just as most of us do every year about mid-February.

I’m working on my vision boards, a little bit at a time as I find the time to explore the internet or search through my pictures. Won’t you join me?  We can encourage each other, perhaps inspire each other and enjoy the joy people find in their dreams.

Once they are full enough – we can begin to set goals together, working on making those visions a reality.

Want to know the website?  Go to http://pinterest.com and ask for an invitation.  Have fun!  Play a bit, dream a bit, and see where it takes you.  Oh, and look for me.  I’ll be looking for you!

If you enjoyed this post please share it with others using the share links below. I would also be honored if you would subscribe to my blog! Here’s how:

• § Subscribe Here to have my blog posts easily delivered to your email in-box the morning they are published.
• § To receive posts via “READER” Subscribe Here.
• § To receive my bi-monthly newsletter, Subscribe here at the top right hand corner.

To hire me for Leadership and Executive Coaching programs, Retirement Coaching, Personal Growth Coaching, Wellness programs, Reiki or EFT, email me at Georgia@CollaborativeTransitions.com

Thank you for reading and for being part of this community – it means so much to me.

You can find me on Twitter at @feistycoach and on LinkedIn, and Facebook.  Please let me know you’re a reader when we connect!