I was talking to a great friend, and fellow coach, this morning, and I remarked on how I was so tired of passive-aggressive behavior, and all the pain that it causes. And, it seems that the more aware of it I am the more I run in to it.
You can look at this one of two ways: “What you think about the most will appear in your life” or “now that you have made the statement that you are tired of it, it will show up so that you can make the choice to remove it or do something about it, i.e., set your boundaries”.
What a wise and wonderful friend. It occurred to me that what she said was an extension of the Four Agreements. It is about pulling so much of that wisdom together, along with my belief system, and my willingness to do my best (and forgiving myself when I did less than my best).
When people are behaving in a passive-aggressive manner, they make cryptic remarks or no remarks (with or without observable body language), which leads to assumptions and if you don’t want to assume, they refuse to answer your questions by passively not responding. They are not impeccable with their words, and it can leave you feeling judged without knowing why.
Here is the key – you can make the offer to talk so that your relationship can grow and deepen based on mutual respect and understanding, or you can walk away. Either way, you are setting your boundaries.
What happens when it’s family? The offer stands, always. They are an incredibly important part of my life. They can step into that or not. Meanwhile, I continue to love them, but will not push the issue. On the other hand, I can’t wear the feelings their judgment brings out in me like a hair shirt. That would not be respectful of myself. I must release and let it go.
For me, if it’s not family, I have to decide if the relationship is important enough to me to make the effort once the behavior has manifested, and be willing to walk away if it isn’t. Again, release and let go.
And, so it is. The choice is mine and because I believe that life doesn’t have to be painful and full of drama, it is a relatively easy choice to make.
What makes you tired, and what are you willing to do about it?
Georgia Feiste, President of Collaborative Transitions Coaching, Inc., located in Lincoln, NE, and Phoenix, AZ, is a personal growth and leadership coach, writer, and workshop facilitator. She is also a Usui Reiki Master and EFT practitioner. Her passion is success grounded in purpose and passion, standards of integrity and priorities in life. You can also find Georgia on her website, Collaborative Transitions, Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook. Georgia may also be reached at (402) 304-1902 if you wish to schedule a 30 minute complementary consultation.