Monday, October 23, 2017

Are You Being Positive and Candid in Your Relationships?

j0443617 I teach and coach a group twice a month on topics based upon the premise that it is much easier to be successful in our personal and professional lives when one is in integrity with oneself.  Many people ask me what integrity has to do with being successful, other than honesty is usually the best choice.   I have found myself explaining myself more often than not, which I am extremely happy to do. 

 Integrity, as it is defined by the coaching industry, comes from the latin “integer” which means whole.   When it is applied to humans it means being complete, living from your values and your life intentions in all areas of your life.  It means having boundaries and standards you choose to live by.  It means knowing who you are, living from the premise of that “wholeness” as much as possible, and telling yourself the truth when you are not.  Honesty is certainly part of that, but not all of it.  And, by the way, honesty is always the best choice. 

 Living with integrity means: * Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. * Asking for what you want and need from others. * Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. * Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. * Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe. ~ Barbara De Angelis

Our group is nearing the end of our year-long engagement, and we have talked about a myriad of topics.  As it should, the lessons and conversations we are having now refer back to previous group classes quite regularly.  This week we are discussing how to be positive and candid in your relationships.   

One of our previous lessons dealt with eliminating situations and/or people who drain you from your life.  These could be as small as the junk drawer in the kitchen overflowing to the point of not being able to find anything (or even having a junk drawer to begin with).  Or, they could be as complicated as being around someone who ALWAYS makes you uncomfortable. 

 Negative reactions to people can be enormously draining.  My experience is that we obsess over those reactions, dealing with them time-after-time internally long before we actually say something.  The stress we deal with can be very obvious to others, and to the person that triggers them.  When we are around them:

  •  We physically stiffen our bodies
  • We lean away from the person we are reacting to
  • Our verbal responses are clipped and, at times, caustic
  • In short, we find it difficult to be authentic in anything we say or do

 One of the hardest things to do in this situation is to assess why we are having the reaction we are having.  It entails the need to tell ourselves the truth, which we are usually very good at avoiding.  Once we have dug deep enough to see that truth, we can take action on it – making a choice as to whether we want to stay away from people who bring up that specific reaction or work on a belief we may be holding that limits us in our ability to have a solid relationship with that person or class of persons.

 When we decide that we must stay away from people who bring up that specific reaction, most of us struggle with how to tell the person we are walking away from one of the most important questions they will ask – “Why?”  The ability to be positive and candid at the same time is an art form.  An art form not many of us are extremely good at. It is a skill to be practiced almost every day of our lives.  But, practice it we must.  Meantime, err on the side of telling the truth.

 The other side of this choice is to work on a belief or need we may be holding on to that limits us in our ability to have a solid relationship with that person or class of persons.  The key is to do the soul searching required to get to the root of that belief or need and begin to explore whether the belief continues to serve us well and/or getting the need satisfied is more important than the relationship.  When we have determined those answers, we can begin to move forward in learning the lessons this opportunity brings to us.

Georgia Feiste, owner of Collaborative Transitions Coaching, Inc., located in Lincoln, NE, is a personal growth coach, writer, and workshop facilitator.  She is also a Usui Reiki Master.  Georgia specializes in career, business and personal life transitions for people seeking change in their life.  She is uniquely skilled in providing support and encouragement as her clients set intentional goals to attain their desires, holding open the space they need to stretch and grow. Her passion is success grounded in purpose and passion, standards of integrity and priorities in life.    Her websites are http://www.collaborativetransitions.com, where you can find her blogs about business and career, http://www.rainbowbridgecoach.com , where she and many other coaches blog about mind, body, spirit and emotion, and http://www.georgiafeiste.com where you can catch her thoughts on a wide variety of topics.  Georgia can be reached at (402) 304-1902 or you can schedule a 30 minute consultation via Automated Appointment.

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Comments

3 Responses to “Are You Being Positive and Candid in Your Relationships?”
  1. Well written and all I would consider suggesting is:

    1. Use the word authentic
    2. Use these 3 filters: Is it kind, Is it truthful and Is it necessary? as you continue to build your relationships.

    Thanks, Leanne Hoagland-Smith – The Results Coach & Author of Be the Red Jacket in a Sea of Gray Suits

    • Georgia says:

      Thank you for the comments, Leanne. Authentic is the most important piece of this. When you are talking with others, they know when you are not.

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